Survivor shares experience for domestic violence awareness panel: 'I truly thought he would change'

Oct. 7—On the third try over nearly 11 years, Tierra Jackson finally broke free from an abusive relationship.

It was a "revolving door," she said.

Jackson and her partner had two children together, now 10 and 8.

There were always signs of control and anger, he said. He cut her friends off, she stopped doing things she loved, changed what type of clothes she wore. He started going through her phone.

Over time, the abuse turned physical.

"I truly thought he would change," she said. "I wanted to keep my family together."

Jackson shared her experience Wednesday as Geminus hosted its annual Domestic Violence Discussion Panel at Gamba Ristorante in Merrillville. Nearly 150 people attended.

Panelists were Indiana Department of Child Services Regional Manager Twan Stokes, Lake County Prosecutor Bernard Carter, Gary Mayor Jerome Prince, Lake County Juvenile Judge Thomas Stefaniak, Jackson, St. Jude House Director Ryan Elinkowski, Lake County Sheriff Deputy Chief Edward Jenkins, Geminus Coordinator Brittany Caraballo and Living Hope Church Pastor Rick Cochran.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. On average, it takes a victim seven times to leave an abusive relationship, Elinkowski said.

The panel shared tips on navigating the legal system, issues like housing and money that tended to stop women from leaving and early signs of potential abusers.

The lunch opened with a few minutes of bodycam footage when police caught up to Gabby Petito in Utah, a Florida woman whose disappearance in August dominated national news.

Her body was later found in Wyoming'sBridger-Teton National Forest while on a road trip with her fiance Brian Laundrie. He has since vanished and is considered a person of interest in her disappearance.

Both protective orders and no contact orders are essentially a piece of paper — documentation for law enforcement if anything else would happen.

"Don't get overly confident in a protective order or no-contact order," Lake County Prosecutor Bernard Carter said. "It's really for the police."

Early in his career, an order was set up against a husband, he said. The woman moved in with her mother.

The man called the woman's mother, claiming he needed to bring over some tax documents for her to sign and she didn't think anything of it, he said.

When he came to the house, both women came to the door. He had a gun and shot his wife dead, Carter said.

"They use trickery, all kinds of things," he said.

Gary Mayor Jerome Prince said the city had a role trying to reduce the stigma.

Abusers are often people police are "very familiar with," while their victims are "embarrassed; they are afraid," which leads to underreporting, he said.

"The first time, that's a red flag," Jackson said.

Do not ignore getting help, she said. She resisted therapy or support groups early on.

Both traffic stops and domestic violence calls were the most dangerous for police officers, Jenkins said.

One of his biggest fears was going to a home on a call and later finding out someone later died. Officers need to "slow down," understand what's going on and offer resources.

If someone shows you who they are through their actions — "take them for who they are," he said.

Typical red flags for how abusers groom their victims — someone is controlling, cuts off friends and or family and gaslights, Caraballo said.

In the beginning, the manipulation starts. They are very charming, charismatic, quick to enter into a relationship and move in within weeks, she said.

But then, there's "explosive episodes," with more control and jealousy.

"Maybe she didn't make dinner at 5," she said.

Cochran said the church needs to do more to protect victims. He said later during the question-and-answer session that the priority is the victim's safety, not the religious and psychological stigma associated with divorce.

Jackson had come a long way after years "submerged" in abuse, Valerie Kemp-Davis, a family member, said afterward, who spoke of her pride. Both Jackson's parents fought hard to get her out, she said.

It was "devastating" to watch, akin to an addiction with relapse and recovery.

"It is a family fight," she said.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

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